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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?